One more voice...

a wedding singer?

2007-06-11T16:51:00.000-06:00

so as you can tell from the picture above...i became a wedding singer this weekend. my friends carl and kelsey decided to get married....and they asked me to provide the music for the ceremony. wow. i felt slightly honoured. it went really really well. i asked my friend luke to play the djembe along with me (thats him in the picture) and we played. good times. we played some lifehouse, some hymns, and some chantal kreviasik (i can't even spell her name). but yeah...theres a point of interest for you.
cheerio

i'm still here

2007-06-04T19:40:00.000-06:00

life has taken a slightly different turn in the last couple of months. and i really don't mean to make this post to be a journal entry, i just wanted to make sure i don't lose those of you who check up on me. i'm still around and i still want to blog. i actually find myself completely booked up. and its not just an excuse. i seriously can't find time to write on this thing. i'm finding that i even forget to brush my teeth sometimes. and then i rush through meal times only to realize, i didn't need to all along. ack. thats life at camp. you learn to love it regardless of everything else you may be missing. agghh the life.
see you soon. i will write more. just you wait.

especially you courtney!!!

yes, i know

2007-04-18T09:55:00.000-06:00

so i've been a really terrible blogger as of lately. and so, just for courtney, i'm going to post more pictures. haha. i have a lot on my mind to write.....but i do believe i have 5 gold stars for procrastination. so please don't give up on me. i'm still here and still want to write. and as Luke would write, "thats another story for another time."

These pictures were all taken at my families cabin in the Crowsnest Pass on Easter Sunday. The first weekend that the Crocuses arrived!!

another art form of mine

2007-04-02T14:22:00.000-06:00

these were all taken on the farm out in Coaldale.
hope you enjoy!

sleep....perchance to dream

2007-03-27T11:11:00.000-06:00

So tell me.
Do dreams come true?
Dreams as defined
by aspirations....and desires
do they come true?

everyday we can watch people going through
the motions of a life they chose to live
they would never admit to choosing it
"its a means to an end"
"i have to pay off my mortgage"
"i only have 1 sick day left"
"what else is there to do"
"this is reality"

is reality when we succomb to settling? when we believe that all there is in this life is work....sleep.....eat.....work. (perhaps not in that order)don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with work. i'm speaking of work in terms of those individuals who fail to be fulfilled or passionate about what they do.

why are you doing what you are doing when you loathe the idea of it.

and so i come back to dreams. when we were kids our world was endless with possibilities. if you wanted to you could dream of being a fire fighter one day and an astronaut the next. no one told you you couldn't. and so i ask you, what is the one thing that you would do or be right now.
and the next question.... what is stopping you?

the world? a probable yes. i have been discouraged. and it mostly seems to come from people i love who have no idea the hold that their words have on me.
everyone wants to do that
what are you going to do with that
and where do you think that will take you
its hard to get into that

we were not given the gift of dreams as a mere distraction from reality. no, they are there to instill hope and possibility. drive and motivation. creativity and passion. i believe that they come from the deepest part of who we are. chase them. fight for them. believe in them. believe in yourself. hmm...i write to an audience but it feels like i am just writing to myself. live and dream.

“Excellence can be obtained if you:
...care more than others think is wise;
...risk more than others think is safe;
...dream more than others think is practical;
...expect more than others think is possible.”

“Believe in your dreams and they may come true; believe in yourself and they will come true”

“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.”

and so i leave you with this....

red wagons

2007-03-14T13:59:00.000-06:00

we could ride to the sunset
on our banana seat bikes
or pull the red wagon
and fly homemade kites

no suits or paper
or jaded black ties
no meetings or faxes
or plastic wrapped smiles

yesterday seemed better
more lighthearted rain
snow in the summer
and a chase of the train

but who is to say
and who ever wrote
were worse off today-
all in the same boat

would you take off your shoes
and run a quick mile
through soft sparkled sand
laughing the while

what stops you from seeing
that life is a dance
the embrace of sweet lovers
in the game of romance

can we open our eyes
and run out the door
just to live what were given
with wings we will soar

from my brain and from my hand....

i'm so excited

2007-03-08T08:36:00.000-07:00

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not only is that my favorite cover that john mayer does but also............

I GOT A TICKET TO HIS CALGARY CONCERT!!!!!!
and i'm not even joking. this isn't a joke. i'm being very serious here. some of you may shrug it off because you don't necessarily like john mayer...but i'll be honest, this is one concert that i would never miss. and thanks to my good friend marni, i got a presold ticket to his concert in calgary on april 29th. and whats even better is that the seat i will sit in is in the 13th row on the floor in fron of the stage. how cool is that!!!

Just wanted to share the exciting news. You should get tickets too. They go on sale on Friday March 9.

Cheers

do make say think

2007-03-05T08:46:00.000-07:00

went to a sweet concert on saturday night. a toronto band call 'do make say think'. i encourage you to check out their music. its kind of an ambient instrumental sound. with incredibly talented musicians. a different sound. tell me what you think.

do make say think

sorry, i wanted to imbed the whole video but it wasn't working. hope this works for you!!

do we look like family

2007-02-28T13:02:00.000-07:00

this is kevan. best brother i ever had. actually, only brother i've ever had. but i got a sweet picture from him so i had to post it. do we look alike?

love ya kev.

WARNING....this may offend you

2007-02-15T15:01:00.000-07:00

ok. so everyone seemed to post yesterday. yesterday being valentines day. i didn't. i posted today instead. mostly because i didn't have time yesterday but also because i'm flustered over the hype that valentines day brings. and not just the overrated red and pink flowers and hearts but also the hype of being reminded that you're single. as some have put it "singleness awareness day". hmmm.

~mushy kissy valentines day gives me a bad taste in my mouth (who needs to set aside a day to let someone else know that you love them....as far as i'm concerned, every single day should be given that priority).

~people feeling sorry for themselves because they are single also gives me a bad taste in my mouth (as far as i'm concerned, get over yourself!)

ok ok. go easy. i'm really really sorry if i've offended anyone (thats not my intent) i just want to express a pent up opinion. and not only an opinion...know that i've been there too.

yes, i'll agree when you say that we were created for fellowship and for relationships but...but....if we spend our time wallowing in our "lack" of a significant other, i think we end up walking in the opposite direction. why? because we are choosing to create within us...a discontentedness and an extreme unhappiness with our current state of being. desparation creates chaos. when we focus on what we don't have, we lose sight of what we do have. and frankly, then theres no room to be thankful.

i don't want to live my life like that. those are the kind of things that suck the life out of us. spend that energy on others. live. breathe. and remember that life doesn't start when you've found someone.....life has been moving all along.....stop wasting your time.......and above all, be patient knowing that there's someone out there thats got your back.

love....always love.....but not in the cheesy valentines day shallowness......love deeply as you are loved.

just some photos

2007-02-08T08:48:00.000-07:00

thought i would post a few pics from my christmas in cranbrook. these are all taken by my uncle Arnold Janz. this first one is the view from "the bluff" which is an hour walk away from my uncle and aunt's house........

in which we had some crazy cames of table hockey......kevan, me, nathan, and cathy. if you are wondering why my nose is covered please ask nathan.....i'm pretty sure he knows why. *ahem

we did lots of hiking...
this was an especially long hike through tonnes of snow. the 2 people on the left are gwen and keith, my aunt and uncle who live here...thats their dog cale.

it doesn't get much better then this...

Risk

2007-02-07T14:51:00.000-07:00

Please read thoughtfully. I wish I had written these things. I only honour those who spoke up.
Each seeminly providing a slap in my face.... especially the last one.

Andre Gide:
One doesn't discover new lands without consenting to lose sight of the shore for a very long time.

Alfred Tennyson:
I hold it true, whate'er befall; I feel it, when I sorrow most; 'Tis better to have loved and lost Than never to have loved at all

American Proverb:
It doesn't work to leap a twenty-foot chasm in two ten-foot jumps.

Charles DuBois:
The important thing is this: To be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become.

Ella Williams:
Bite off more than you can chew, then chew it

Eric Kromm:
Creativity requires the courage to let go of certainties.

Helen Keller:
Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.

Keshavan Nair:
With courage you will dare to take risks, have the strength to be compassionate, and the wisdom to be humble. Courage is the foundation of integrity.

M. Scott Peck:
There can be no vulnerability without risk; there can be no community without vulnerability; there can be no peace, and ultimately no life, without community.

Magdalena Abakenowicz:
It is easy to follow, but it is uninteresting to do easy things. We find out about ourselves only when we take risks, when we challenge and question.

Mark Twain:
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.

Pable picasso:
I am always doing that which I can not do, in order that I may learn how to do it.

Pearl S. Buck:
The young do not know enough to be prudent, and therefore they attempt the impossible -- and achieve it, generation after generation.

Winston Churchill:
Before you can inspire with emotion, you must be swamped with it yourself. Before you can move their tears, your own must flow. To convince them, you must yourself believe.

my coffee cup said it

2007-02-02T10:55:00.000-07:00

These 2 things that i've read the past couple of days really slapped me in the face. I'll explain why soon. But not now.

The Way I See It #185---coffee cup
"A valuable lesson I've learned from making music is to never let anyone intimidate me. Every student, celebrity, CEO and math teacher in the world has experienced love, loneliness, fear and embarassment at some point. To understand this is to level an often very lopsided playing field."

The Alchemist--By Paulo Coelho
"Dreams are impossible when you fear failure."

Just the feeling

2007-01-31T09:35:00.000-07:00

Brilliantly written. A song that moves me. Although I can't say why. Just read the lyrics and perhaps you understand.

Fix You~~~Coldplay

When you try your best but you don't succeed

When you get what you want but not what you need

When you feel so tired but you can't sleep

Stuck in reverse

When the tears come streaming down your face

When you lose something you can't replace

When you love someone but it goes to waste could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home

and ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

High up above or down below when you too in love to let it go

If you never try you'll never know

Just what your worth

Lights will guide you home

and ignite your bones

And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down your face

When you lose something you cannot replace

Tears streaming down your face and I

Tears stream down your face I promise you

I will learn from my mistakes

Tears stream down your face and I

Lights will guide you home

And ignite your bones

And I will try to fix you

introducing

2007-01-26T10:01:00.000-07:00

hey all.............HAPPY FRIDAY

i just wanted to introduce you to some of the girls i work with. (hope they don't mind that their faces are on my blog) we got to eat lunch outside yesterday....JANUARY25 and so we had our picture taken too.

Starting on the left is Debbie, Jenn, Christina, and Tina. And Sherri and I are sitting in the front. We definitely have our fair share of "good times".

Cheers!!

camp pics

2007-01-25T09:32:00.000-07:00

thanks to luke whom i stole the next couple of pictures from for this post.
camp was a lot of fun last weekend. i got to do a stupid skit and jam a bit at our coffee house.
check them out!
cheers.
courtney and me

denver, luke, and i

and still the numbers grow

2007-01-24T10:36:00.000-07:00

i feel bothered.
my spirit unsettle on an issue.
or rather, a few.
i was browsing through cbc's news this morning and came across the numbers of people that have died in iraq in the last 3 years. it around, if not more then 60,000 civilians. 60,000 civilians. then i continued to search through other war-torn countries.
12,000 dead in kosovo
70,000 in darfur in the sudan
250,000 in bosnia
800,000 in rwanda
and let me not forget the most horrific since WWII...........

3.8 million people died in the democratic republic of congo between august 1998 to april 2004 (1000 people per day half of which were children under the age of 5)

i don't really know what to say.

what can i say to it.

people have died all over the world to natural disasters such as the hurricanes in indonesia which is horrible in itself....and yet, you can't stop the weather. could war have been stopped?

i mentioned the death toll of people in iraq to a couple of guys that do some work for us. the first comment was...."population control."

then i asked these two guys what they thought of the hanging of saddam hussein. and the response was...."i think they should bring capital punishment back permenantly".

i still don't know what to say. except that my heart aches. how is any of this justified? how can anyone point a gun at another, and kill them? how can we say that capital punishment is okay? i agree with dale when he mentions in his blog on saddam hussein... "Look, by rights everyone of us should hang. There but for the GRACE of God go I."

the millions killed aren't just numbers, they are people. and those behind these atrocious crimes....are people too. and above it all, God created each of us in his image. attempt to grasp that. not only does God love me but he also loves saddam hussein......

God please help us........
Jesus we need you more the breath itself.......
and as cliche as it is......
we truly are lost without you............

hockey and everything else entertaining

2007-01-17T14:38:00.000-07:00

so i went to my first hockey game last night.
the calgary hitmen were playing the kootenay ice at the saddledome. i got a $5 ticket from the college and career group at sunwest church. good times. theres a first time for everything i suppose. we had seats right behind the goalie of the kootenay ice. pretty sweet. the game wasn't the greatest as the hitmen lost but still fun to have the experience. perhaps one day i will get to go to a nhl game.

anyways. after the game i was driving home with my friend tyler and thinking out loud. now bear with me and please don't get offended. these were just my thoughts.

hockey players. they play hockey. thats what they do. they don't feed the world with the grain they grow in their fields. they play hockey. momentarily entertaining the rest of the world with their skills. i paid money to go watch a pile of guys skate around on the ice chasing rubber with sticks. don't get me wrong, i actually enjoy watching hockey and i like playing it myself but doesn't it seem ironic. kiprusoff's "job" is to protect a square netted box from a puck. now he is very good at his "job" but again, in the grand scheme of things, we would still be ok if he didn't do that. perhaps i'm being really pessimistic about it all and for that i am sorry....perhaps this is just the way the economy/society works these days and we'd be lost without them. but i can't wrap my head around it. of course i don't want to point my finger only at hockey players....they were just what sparked the thought. am i totally on the wrong track?

if hockey players stopped playing hockey, we'd be ok. if we quit making electronic equipment, we would still be ok. what if we dropped the farmers and the fisherman?

now, please please don't get me wrong. i am a musician and the idea that i wouldn't be needed on this earth irks me. rip out my heart eh? hmmmm. i don't know how i feel about my thoughts anymore. we all were given gifts from God. we have to use them. God desires us to.......

perhaps society is just to gluttonous.... (oops another can of worms, i better stop while i'm ahead....stupid cliche).

ok. i'm done. i'll hide for a bit....haha

writers block

2007-01-16T11:13:00.000-07:00

writers block is what i have had. i'm sorry to all of you who have been checking my blog only to find the same post that you read months ago. i didn't disappear and i didn't give up...i just got momentary lost...excuse legit? not really.
here i am. i'm still here. nope, over here...you're looking in the wrong direction. ok turn your head 90 degrees...ok now do you see me? no the other way. your other left. a little highter....right.....right.....there. ok. good to see you too. don't worry i feel your pain. thats how i feel today, completely "out there".
speaking of which, i just saw stranger than fiction the other day. i'll be honest with you all, it is now my favorite movie. it is above if not tied with nacho libre. its a crazy and brilliantly written story about an irs agent (will farell) who starts hearing a womans voice narrating his life. we learn that the writer is basically writing the story of his life which ends in demise. now that is all i'm going to say about the movie except that i recommend that you see it. dale, i'm talking to you. if you don't like movies without action or space fantasy or romantic comedy....don't go see it. but if you can appreciate a cleverly written film, go see it!! Will Farell is brilliant.
cheers.

will you help me?

2006-11-30T09:14:00.000-07:00

so this is a very interactive post.
i've been thinking a lot lately about what makes a song "good". and so i'm asking for your help. tell me what you think makes a good song. what causes you to listen to a song over and over again? the lyrics? the musical creativity? the artists voice? the style? what is it? and please don't give me pad answers. i really really want to know what it is for you. will you aid me in understanding what gets to you about music. specifically. examples. anything to understand.
please?
thanks so much.
cheers my dear friends.

xavier rudd

2006-11-28T09:29:00.000-07:00

if you haven't heard of him. i think you really really need to. xavier rudd is an artist from australia. its a one man show and he sits in front of 4 dijeridoos (sp?), a guitar(or rather 4), a massive amount of percussions instruments-drums, gongs, cymbals, a foot drum, a mouth organ, and more....oh plus he has a mic. yes he sings, plays guitar, plays drums, plays dijeridoo, plays mouth organ pretty much all at the same time. he is a short, barefoot, scraggley haired, bearded hippi with an extremely unique voice and style of music. its really great!! and his live shows are even more great!!
thats where i was last night. in banff at xavier rudd's concert with tyler, denver, sean, nicole, and ciara. it was awesome. if you ever get a chance to see this guy live, take it. he's really down to earth and incredibly talented. i'm sure that my jaw was on the floor the whole time he played.

check him out. XAVIER RUDD

cheers

the rest of the family

2006-11-24T13:12:00.000-07:00

just thought that it was time for another photo sharing experience. everybody please meet 2 of the most important people in my life...my parents. i love them. and if you ever have the chance to meet them, i think that you would be blessed too!! this picture was taken right before i sauntered off to a friends wedding. so no, i don't look like that everyday......better actually ....hahaha...joking again. oops.

and this one, this is aaron, my cute kitty. he's wonderful. and cute. did i mention that he is really cute. i'm pretty sure that when he was a kitten, he loved me more then he loved his mother. awwww. the black cat in the background is his brother...no name.
blessings!

wide eyed.......part 2

2006-11-22T09:53:00.000-07:00

christians in the secular workplace.

this is what i am. a christian in the secular workplace.
i don't flaunt my beliefs. i don't base my work relationships on a conversion basis. i don't disassociate myself with the smokers or those that constantly swear. i don't listen to christian music at work. i don't read my bible on my lunch break.

should i?

some people perhaps do. there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. but in my context i know that i can't....i don't want to. its not like i am trying to hide my "religion" (as everyone puts it) but everyone here at work knows that i am a christian. they know what i am all about. but i've built relationships with them and they don't feel "put upon" by me. how do i know this? because i know that they respect me. the neat thing is, that they feel open to talk about "christian" stuff with me. i don't bring it up...they do. they ask the question and ask my opinion. and so i share...very openly what i think and believe. i once had a conversation with someone about how much they dislike "the church" because of all the hypocracy they see with christians. point taken. i've had many other conversations with co-workers surrounding the idea of religion. God has blessed me through these conversations. and i know that if i didn't have a relationship with these people, things would be vastly different. haha they think its funny to call me "christian girl". but its not said in a degrading sort of way..just fun. how important is it now that i let my actions show what i believe?

a jw was walking around our neighborhood yesterday and knocked at my door. she said to me, "you know its really really hard to choose what is right when you are at work or at school". my response? "no its not hard. yes its a choice but that choice becomes a lifestyle. to the point that i don't need to decide because i know (in certain contexts of course)...its ingrained...almost habit...do you know what i mean? and working in this secular environment doesn't change that. i am who i am. i will be real. i won't try and hide jesus. after all...he is my life. if he is my life...how can i live apart from that.

just some thoughts. people in the secular work/living environment don't hate christians. christians have just been given a bad name. i think its time for a change. maybe i can help to change that in a small way with the few i work with. i can't separate myself from society...nor do i want to. this is where i am. and so this is where i will be.

wide eyed ...part 1

2006-11-17T11:44:00.000-07:00

so i've been working as the receptionist for this flooring install company for almost 3 months now. (quite the commitment wouldn't you say?)and i'll be honest it has been jaw dropping. as most of you know, i have spent much of the past number of years, working at camp evergreen. camp evergreen, if you didn't know, is a very sheltered community. yes, they do have guest groups coming through during the year but you still don't experience very much of the secular world. many people lovingly call it "a bubble". and being in calgary right now has taken me far away from "the bubble". i once again realize how ignorant i am to secular society. Why? well for many many reasons. i've come face to face with every possible conversation and situation...relatively speaking.

obsessive gossiping and laughter about the individual in discussion
total disgust for their jobs
backstabbing
potty mouths...every swear in the book
no respect for the sanctity of marriage
no respect for individuals
and definitely no respect for sex
hypocracy. utter hypocracy.
smoke breaks every half an hour..everybody does it

honestly, its a different world to me. the way people think, what people value...not that it is bad but it is definitely so different to all i know and understand in my life. its really hard to wrap my head around it but what i understand is relative to my experience and my background and the same goes for everyone else that works here.
but as much as its a different world, somehow i'm a part of it, i can't explain it, and i respect it.

no one beats around the bush
people seem to be so genuine
opinions are expressed and for the most part, respected
laughter is a constant companion
everyone is welcome
everyone feels accepted in some way
help is always offered

my question is, is there any difference between a secular community and a christian community? if we are honest, is there any difference? if i put a christian beside a non-christian, is there a visible difference besides the stuck up nose. i'm torn.

**right now i need to say that this is not intended to offend anyone. i feel convicted and guilty of how i live my life and so i am just writing my thoughts. i guess i just want to take an example of one of my cooworkers...i'm not going to beat around the bush with this stuff....its too important. i would value your thoughts and emotions as i continue......

this is my petition

2006-11-07T09:11:00.000-07:00

self check outs
coffee shop drive thrus
ebay
and pay at the pump
automated banking
online schooling
email
and vending machines

what do all these things have in common? its painfully obvious yet they crept in so quietly and so "convenient". our society (the western one i mean) is slowly destroying every ounce of human interaction for the sake of convenience, efficiency, and development. we've lost perspective. its gone.

we've replaced conversation with square screened addictions
we've replaced family game night with remote controls
we've replaced smiles and hand shakes with automated transactions
we've replaced laughter with "lol"
we've replaced quality with accessibility
we've replaced trust with digital promises
we've replaced parents with numbing distrations
we've replaced relationships with msn
we've replaced friendship with chat rooms
we've replaced people with machines

we are ok with this?

so perhaps we've taken a step towards creating a smaller world and a utopia of information but in the context of social interaction and human necessity we are taking a large step backwards.

do you wonder why there are so many homeless?
do you wonder why kids are undisciplined?
do you wonder why people are so lonely?
do you wonder where the suicide rate is going?
do you wonder why there are so many people socially constipated?
do you wonder why faces are so empty?

again, we've been fooled by the electronic world. instead of promoting God's original plan of relationship we've swept it off the step and under the carpet.

there is so much wealth at our fingertips and yet every single person does everything they can to avoid interacting with another. in a sense we are starving ourselves. and just like those hungry children in africa, our stomachs are bloated with gluttony for progress and our vision is tunnelled. its a backwards cycle that will only lead to our demise. we were created for eachother and now we walk as glazed eyed robots.

whats wrong with a simple conversation
a smile at your teller
a moment to step inside
and see the bigger picture
quench your thirst for interaction
and give in to the temptation
to talk to a stranger
risk a turned head
or a frown
at least you haven't closed
the door
open it wide
and welcome the pain that looms
its speaks of life
and effort understood
shake off the painted smile
and robotic responses
come alive
come alive
live
with the knowledge
that you are.........
changing the world.
.........................this is my petition

new favorite

2006-11-02T10:41:00.000-07:00

so i have a new favorite food.
its vietnamese.
vegetarian spring rolls on vermicelli noodles
with fish sauce.
love it.
you should try it.
they even give little coffee mints after
their terrible service.
oops i forgot to tip.

no trick but definite treat

2006-11-01T08:58:00.000-07:00

so along with handing out very little candy to trick or treaters (much to our detriment as we have way too much candy left over), i also had a meeting or audition with the worship and creative arts pastor at southview alliance. joe, along with his other worship leader adam were there to jam with me a bit and hear what kind of sound i make when i attempt to make music. first i played piano and sang along with them and then i joined them on acoustic for another song. needless to say, i was nervous. i always get nervous when i play for other people knowing that they are, in a sense, judging my abilities. but funny thing, when i first arrived and met adam, i realized that i had played bass for him on his team for a retreat. ironic. yep. so it went really easy. and after practice on thursday night, i will be joining the worship team on keys and vocals for their sunday morning service at their branch church called 'imago dei'. i'm really excited. i finally found a place to get plugged in after 2 months. my uncle wayne is awesome. he is the one that boldly introduced me to joe and....the rest is history. so i just wanted to let you all in on the exciting news. and if you want to come to church sunday morning, let me know. haha. anyways.
cheers.

time by chantal kreviazuk

2006-10-31T11:03:00.000-07:00

Time, where did you go
Why did you leave me here alone
Wait, don’t go so fast
I’m missing the moments as they pass

Now I’ve looked in the mirror
And the world’s getting clearer
So wait for me
This time

I’m down, I’m down on my knees
I’m begging for all your sympathy
But you (I’m just an illusion)
You don’t seem to care (I wish that I could)
You humble people everywhere (I don’t mean to hurt you)

Now I’ve looked in the mirror
And the world’s getting clearer
I’ll take what you give me
Please know that I’m learning
So wait for me
This time

I should’ve known better
I shouldn’t have wasted those days
And afternoons and mornings
I threw them all away

Now, this is my time
And I’m gonna make this moment mine
(I shouldn’t have wasted those days)

I’ll take what you give me
Please know that I’m learning
I’ve looked in the mirror
My world’s getting clearer
So wait for me
This time
This time

I wish I could.

2006-10-26T08:31:00.000-06:00

i seriously can't believe these guys.

Shocking...its actually happening.

2006-10-17T13:09:00.000-06:00

Can you believe it? Perhaps yes.

What will the world do now?
Click here to see what i mean.

road rash

2006-10-17T09:02:00.000-06:00

Currently the clock reads 9am. so "technically" i have been here at work for 1 1/2 hours. but in reality i've only been here for 1/2 an hour. yes, i'm suppose to start at 7:30 but today i started at 8:30. its not that i slept in. in fact i was up earlier then usual today. its not that my car broke down. in fact my car is running beautifully. and its not that i quite my job (although the thought crossed my mind). here's the truth.....i left my house at 7:05am to drive to work and stood in traffic for almost 1 and a half hours. i could have slept for another 1 and a half hours!!!! i could have slept for another 1 and a half hours!?
wow. good thing i have my coffee beside me.
it is seriously, days like this that i wished i still lived in a small town. back home in coaldale people don't freak out at the first hint of different weather. but here in calgary, people have heart attacks...hernias...seizures...deathly brain farts. i don't get it, nor will i attempt to get it. but honestly, its just snow. snow is a form of precipitation...it is not a sign that the end is coming.
seriously...3 accidents in 1 block squared. 3 lanes of traffic backed up to the outskirts of calgary. 1 lane passable. more emergency lights because there are more accidents. and i'm sitting enjoying my music and heat while others are desparately attempting to change their fate of being late by frantically cutting everyone else off. why?, don't you think people should enjoy being late for work. they can sit in their cars with the heater cranked while playing their favorite music. well, at least thats the logical thing to do, you can't really change whats already happened.

oh the joys of a jam packed city.
oh the road rash of frantic drivers.
oh me...i'm happy as a peach
driving peacefully to david gray.
what good company.
as i watch gentle snowflakes
tickle little blue (if your wondering, thats my car)
you can't change whats happened
you can't fix the problem
so live with what you've got
and love it
Happy Road Rash!

ps. the picture is by my big bro Kevan Berg

Rumi says it well.

2006-10-13T11:53:00.000-06:00

Poems speak with demolished formula and eradicated "correctness". Not only do poems speak but they reach emotions, leaving empty words jilted. Let the words move. And if you are not moved, you are lying to yourself.
Here is just that:

In your light, I learn how to love.
In your beauty, how to make poems.
You dance inside my chest,
Where no one else sees you.
But sometimes I do.
And that sight becomes this art.

~~Rumi

Have you ever attempted poetry? Have you let words float off your tongue without any regards to propriety? Its the spoken language of the heart. It is not forced and is never compared. It can never be judged or corrected or trashed. What is it. It is beauty as it speaks from the depths. It speaks in the bible of the Spirit that groans to the Father on our behalf. Sometimes I wonder if that only touches the surface.

Thoughts.

Gravity, is working against me.

2006-10-10T08:19:00.000-06:00

There is absolutely nothing worse then hurting someone.
There is absolutely nothing worse then hurting someone close to you.
There is absoltuely nothing worse then knowing that you caused pain.

Words pierce.
Its too late to take them back.
If only they had fallen on deaf ears.
But I suppose they were still spoken.
Tears, the inevitable product of pain.

How is it that truth is so damaging.
Why do words hold such power.
We were created for relationship
and yet its relationships that rip us apart.
Are we all broken?
Are we all messed up?

I hurt a friend on friday.
I hurt my friend on friday.
I opened my mouth
And I spoke words
That drew a sword.
And here I stand
Empty handed.
What more can I say.
How do I forgive myself.

You can fix what is broken
But it is still broken.
You can wipe away your tears
But that doesn't stop them from falling.

John Mayer recently wrote appropriate words:
Hold on to what you find
Hold on to whatever will get you through
Hold on to what you find
Cuz I don't trust myself with loving you.

Take from me Fridays
And the ache in my head
Take from me Fridays
Then nothing was said

I'm Sorry..........

denver showed me

2006-10-05T08:43:00.000-06:00

denver showed me
we almost cried
its just that funny
it hurt my side
you might just like it
and laugh along
or perhaps you'll hate it
and bust my song
but i'll be alright
and just ok
if you close the screen
and have a say
so click this line
to have a look
and understand
just why i shook
no time to bloviate*
so i'll stop here
now make your move
and do not fear......

*bloviate \BLOH-vee-ayt\, intransitive verb:To speak or write at length in a pompous or boastful manner. (dale that word is for you....meaning i know you like new words!!....i'm attempting to expand my vocab...)

cheerio!

Random Swelling

2006-10-03T13:58:00.000-06:00

Just thought that you would like to meet another beautiful member of my family. Here he is, the one and the only Kevan. Beautiful wouldn't you agree? Unfortunately he suffers from a rare disease in which his mouth becomes enlarged at random points during the day. Usually it is when he smiles or when he talks. It is quite the spectacle when in a conversation with him. It is hard not to laugh but you must not laugh because he is very very sensitive about this issue. If you do laugh he usually hides himself in a corner and cries while rocking back and forth. But other then the mouth dilemma he is quite the charming guy. Thank goodness it hasn't deterred his lovely "special friend" Jodi. But perhaps that is because I hear she suffers from random eyeball swelling.
I suggest avoiding lengthy stares at the picture above....it may result in swelling of your own!

Trevor I miss you.

The Ladies

2006-09-28T09:22:00.000-06:00

i would like to introduce you all to the women of the berg family. on the far right is my mom (esther). far left is my sister joleen. in the middle is the only blonde of the family....me.....and right beside me is our very loyal dog sheppy. and we are surrounded by 'the farm' on a blustery day. not included in the picture is my dad (harley), my brother (kevan) and my nephew tyler. i deeply love my family....they are so awesome. my sister just recently underwent brain surgery to remove 2 small tumors between her brain and her skull. that happened here in calgary. so i got to spend the day with my family and see joleen the next day when she got out of recovery. it was traumatic for everyone as she has had a tumor before. the good news is....she is back at home taking a breather from work and.....she has a sweet scar on her head. pray for her as she continues to recover. wow, my sister is such an inspiration to me. to bold and courageous. her life is such a testimony to committment and perseverance. i don't know how she has done it but it blows me away. even more now as i see her struggle through surgery.
thinking about my sister always gets to me. here she is....a single mom, full time work, homeowner, car owner, finishing a degree at college.....and then going through brain surgery. who do i think i am. who am i. why did the surgery have to happen to her. why not me? i am happily living my selfish little life complaining that i don't like my job....honestly....who am i. where do i come off. when here she is doing all she can just to get by. at least joleen is actually living. taking all that she can. holding on to the things that will get her through. and embracing the moments she has knowing that....she might not be around tomorrow.
my sister. she inspires. she makes me laugh. she is brilliant and beautiful.
i love her.

I'm on the bandwagon

2006-09-27T11:50:00.000-06:00

I can't believe I'm actually doing this. Can you? But I suppose with the time I have on my hands....why not. Let you into my brain....my life. So here you go. Just pretend like you have a cup of coffee in your hands and we can pretend we are sitting down in a coffee shop!

plus you serious need to check this guy out!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n2oJQSvjd9Y

Photo by: Kevan Berg